Work tilt

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That's generally how I feel. This is the third or 4th Sunday in a row that I've had to work. Since I don't play too many tourneys, it's not like it matters that I am not playing poker on Sundays but weekends are generally juicy even in cash games and the fact that I'm not playing poker right now hurts. Instead, I'm doing my best to put in more hours so I can keep reducing my $/hr (since I'm obviously not an hourly employee).

It's not even the work that bothers me. It's just that with all the hours I've been putting in, I feel like I'm constantly fatigued. Of course, I'm sure it's all about perspective so for some of you, you probably think "I work 60 hrs a week AND I have two kids to take care so quit your whining." Seriously... if you think that, more power to you but this is my blog so if I feel like bitching about work, I'm gonna do so.

The most aggravating part is that my team is just not performing at the level that I want them to perform. Now I'm not gonna lie. I've always been a very demanding guy. Whether it was sports or work, I expected everyone to give their 110% at all times. That's just how I was. I only had one gear and it was always pedal to the metal. Work hard, play hard. If you're gonna do it, give it your all. I know it sounds cliche but that's pretty much how I live my life. Don't get me wrong. Everyone works hard, puts in longer hours than probably most other departments in this company. We're one of the very few (if not the only) groups that never gets an internal transfer. Just to give you a background, our company is very popular for having internal postings and internal transfers. They encourage you to move to different parts of the company so you can see many different facets of the company as well as making you a very well rounded individual. So, it's fairly common that after about 2 years in a certain department, someone would move to another department. And yet, no one moves to our group. Ever. Our entire group is comprised of external hires or complete newbies who had no choice in the matter. That says something about our group. Now, some of you might think, could it be the nature of the work and not just the hours? Yes and no. Except our "sister department" which is the other half of external reporting still gets a few internal transfers. We have none. That's very telling.

I will say this. Considering the hours we work, we're probably the rowdiest group. I mean for those of you that know me, this is a team that's lead by me. For those of you that worked with me, you know how I am. I might be tough on you but I'm pretty certain that I am up there when it comes to a "fun guy to work with." So, one of my positive feedback that I received was that despite the hours that my team is putting in, the team morale is very high. But I have to admit... I am starting to fade. I'm just getting tired of being worked like this. The team works hard but their experience level is not where it needs to be for the level of work we do and that also comes back to me in the sense that I have to put in additional hours to either cover for them or show them what's missing. Admittedly, with some of them who has 5+ years of experience, I am fairly frustrated but I think I am doing a surprisingly good job of hiding that (I generally wear my heart on my sleeve so usually, you would know how I am feeling).

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I just wanted to rant. Hopefully I'll start writing about poker more. Between my busted pinky and the work hours, I haven't had time to play basketball or poker... two things I love. My pinky will keep me away from bball for at least a month. Things are just not going good.

Fuckin shit. Maybe I need to go take those vicodin pills...